Preoccupied Attachment Style: 9 Signs, Causes, & How To Heal

/ Parenting
preoccupied attachment healing

Understanding Preoccupied Attachment Style

As a mother, one of the most important aspects of parenting is fostering a secure attachment with your child. However, sometimes parents may struggle with their own attachment styles, such as the preoccupied attachment style. In this article, we will explore the signs, causes, and ways to heal a preoccupied attachment style, providing valuable insights and advice for parents looking to create a secure bond with their child.

What is Preoccupied Attachment Style?

Preoccupied attachment style is one of the four attachment styles identified by psychologist John Bowlby. It is characterized by an intense need for validation, reassurance, and attention from others. Individuals with a preoccupied attachment style often struggle with self-esteem and tend to be overly dependent on their relationships.

Signs of Preoccupied Attachment Style in Parents

  1. Constant need for reassurance: Parents with a preoccupied attachment style may constantly seek reassurance and validation from their child, making them overly reliant on their child’s response for emotional stability.
  2. Difficulty setting boundaries: Due to their dependency on others, parents with a preoccupied attachment style may struggle to set appropriate boundaries with their child, resulting in blurred lines and potential confusion.
  3. Excessive worry about their child’s well-being: Parents with a preoccupied attachment style may constantly worry about their child’s safety and well-being, often imagining worst-case scenarios.
  4. Emotional reactivity: Individuals with a preoccupied attachment style may exhibit heightened emotional reactions, such as becoming easily overwhelmed or anxious, when faced with even minor disruptions in their relationship with their child.
  5. Difficulty trusting others: Parents with a preoccupied attachment style may find it challenging to trust others, including their co-parent or other caregivers, often feeling the need to be in control of every aspect of their child’s life.
  6. Difficulty being alone: Individuals with a preoccupied attachment style often struggle with being alone, seeking constant company and attention to fulfill their need for emotional security.
  7. Over-involvement in their child’s life: Parents with a preoccupied attachment style may excessively involve themselves in their child’s life, such as being overly present in their school activities or social circles, in an attempt to alleviate their own anxieties.
  8. Constant need for approval: Individuals with a preoccupied attachment style may have an excessive need for approval from others, including their child, seeking validation to reinforce their self-worth.
  9. Difficulty prioritizing self-care: Parents with a preoccupied attachment style often neglect their own self-care as they prioritize meeting the emotional needs of their child, leading to burnout and exhaustion.

Causes of Preoccupied Attachment Style

The development of a preoccupied attachment style can be influenced by various factors, including early childhood experiences, parental relationships, and genetics. Here are some common causes:

  • Inconsistent caregiving: Inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving during early childhood can lead to a preoccupied attachment style, as the child learns to constantly seek reassurance and attention to feel secure.
  • Parental attachment style: Parents who themselves have a preoccupied attachment style are more likely to pass this style onto their children through their behaviors and interactions.
  • Childhood trauma: Experiencing traumatic events during childhood, such as abuse or neglect, can contribute to the development of a preoccupied attachment style.
  • Genetic predisposition: Some individuals may have a genetic predisposition towards a preoccupied attachment style, making them more susceptible to developing this attachment pattern.

How to Heal a Preoccupied Attachment Style

Healing a preoccupied attachment style takes time and self-reflection. Here are some strategies that can help parents on their journey towards creating a healthier attachment with their child:

  1. Seek therapy: Working with a qualified therapist who specializes in attachment styles can provide valuable insights and guidance on how to heal a preoccupied attachment style.
  2. Practice self-awareness: Becoming aware of your patterns and triggers is crucial in healing a preoccupied attachment style. Pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, and reactions, and reflect on how they may be influenced by your attachment style.
  3. Challenge negative beliefs: Preoccupied attachment style often stems from negative core beliefs about oneself and relationships. Challenge these beliefs and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.
  4. Develop self-care routines: Prioritize self-care activities that promote relaxation, stress reduction, and self-nurturing. Engage in hobbies, exercise, practice mindfulness, and set aside time for yourself.
  5. Practice self-soothing techniques: Learn and practice techniques that help regulate your emotions and calm your anxieties. Deep breathing exercises, meditation, and journaling can be beneficial in soothing yourself.
  6. Work on building trust: Overcoming trust issues is essential in healing a preoccupied attachment style. Start by gradually opening up and trusting others, seeking support from trusted friends or family members.
  7. Develop healthy boundaries: Learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries with your child, ensuring they have the space to grow and develop their own independence while still feeling loved and supported.
  8. Focus on quality over quantity: Instead of being overly involved in every aspect of your child’s life, focus on building quality connections and moments of genuine connection and engagement.
  9. Practice secure attachment techniques: Educate yourself on secure attachment techniques and implement them in your interactions with your child. This includes being responsive, consistent, and emotionally available.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can preoccupied attachment style be changed?

Yes, with self-awareness, therapy, and practice, individuals with a preoccupied attachment style can work towards developing a more secure attachment style.

2. Is preoccupied attachment style harmful to my child?

A preoccupied attachment style can lead to challenges in the parent-child relationship, as it may create an overly dependent dynamic. However, with healing and conscious effort, parents can create a secure attachment with their child.

3. How long does it take to heal a preoccupied attachment style?

The healing process varies for each individual and depends on various factors, such as the severity of the attachment style and the individual’s commitment to personal growth. It is important to be patient and kind to yourself as you embark on this journey.